Thursday, April 28, 2011

making good good and not bad

a huge part of my recovery has been finding time to/for myself.  everyone needs time to/for themselves.  But most people can be okay without that time, for a time.  I have found through experience that I am not one of those people.  

due to my all or nothing personality, this time to myself is vital.  if left to my natural devices, I tend to get a little extreme.  for example, if I do a good deed, like pay for some lady's groceries at the store, it feels good.  I then think, "the more I give, the more I'll feel good!".  makes sense, right?  well, in theory, yes. however, I end up seeking out and taking on every act of service needed single handedly for the next two weeks, run around like I'm missing my head, get frustrated at my husband and blame everything on him and then one day wake up, pull the covers over my head, and want to quit.

leave it to me to turn something good into something bad.  this process of learning is really frustrating for me.  and for the hubs.

so, in order to stay healthy (and sane, and married) I have to do something for me, without any obligation to anyone else, and I have to make a concentrated effort to focus on that one thing.  I have to NOTICE.  this helps me to feel balanced, and as simple as it may sound, with a sweet little beav around, this proves to be a tricky task. 

this is one reason I took on photography.  Let the record show I do not consider myself a photographer.  I take photographs.  there's a difference.  I just learned this, and I don't want any profesh photographers sending hate mail to my blogdoor.

photography helps me notice.  and over the last couple weeks I've discovered that I love it.  objects or scenes more than people and events.  at least right now with my limited knowledge.  if its me time, it has to be non-human (or rather, candid) shots, where I can completely relax and just snap away.

I love learning these things about myself.  and I'm getting better at being patient with myself as I do.

since my photography class is now officially over, I thought I'd share some of my most favorite shots.  all very different.  so now I'm trying to figure out my style.  these photographers are some of my favorites to look at.....maybe I can morph into a combination of them all?  I like to think so.