just to set the record straight

true or false: 

the SECOND you find a good hiding spot in hide and go seek, you have to go to the bathroom.

thank you for your participation in this survey.

reality is: I'm thirteen.

My favorite channel is Disney, my favorite movie is 17 Again, and when I'm not watching Disney I'm watching the Cosby Show, so do you really think I'd be too old for planking atop a dog waste station?

absolutely not.

People my age were walking by with looks of either disgust (see dog waste center for clarification) or horror.

I don't pretend that one day I might not succumb to the peer pressure of adulthood and become a safety steve like our onlookers, but for now I'm living in my youth for as long as I possibly can.  So plank we shall!

and what's planking without some friends as immature/totally as fun as you are to do it with?
thanks goes to julie and michael.  planking's just not as fun alone.

don't be fooled people, the back of this bench was paper thin, so what is lacking in plank-like stiffness was made up for in superhuman balance.

and guys.  planking is TOUGH.  don't laugh.  I was dripping in sweat by the time we saw people we knew and couldn't avoid talking to them.  maybe the 110 degree temps contributed.

and since planking only goes so far before the novelty wears off, Julie researched what very well could be the next teen craze.

horsemanning.

well, either the next teen craze or the next craze for really disturbed people.

thanks for the pictures Jules!  see more on her blog here.

best things this week

this week has been pretty rough.  borderline awful.  so, in attempt to round house kick this bad attitude in the face, I'm going to tell you some of the awkward and awesome happenings this week, to steal a phrase that couldn't be more perfect.

AWESOME
hubs got his refill of cindy crawford's meaningful beauty products in the mail yesterday.  two fold funny because 1: it reminded me of when he got sucked into that infomercial like a cheerio into a vacuum cleaner and tried to tell me about how I would have too. "its this melon that's only found in one place on EARTH with a shelf life of 16 years!", and 2:  he's obviously not the one who orders things online normally because he totally didn't know that they automatically sign you up for shipments every month for the rest of your life.

AWKWARD
standing in one side of my in-laws sink wearing hubs oversized flip flops while madly plunging the other side (with a TOILET plunger...ugh) to unstop the overflowing sink that was caused by hubs juicing beets the night before.  after letting it (the plunger) drip dry, I carried it across the floor where it almost immediately dumped nasty poop/sink water on the floor.  the beav immediately ran over, slipped in it, and nearly concussed himself (plural for concussion) he hit his head so hard.  what. a. day.

AWESOME
I was asked to photograph a PAYING client yesterday.  this is monumental.  and no, it's not my mom.  but almost.

AWKWARD
turning on the oven to bake some cookies and not remembering until I nearly burn the house down that the oven is where my mother-in-law keeps her PACKAGED bread goods.  TWICE.  I've now ruined approximately 5 english muffins, ten croissants, three loaves of bread, three biscuits, and quite possibly, and oven.  hubs hurried and destroyed the evidence to save me from embarrassment.

how does that song go?  fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?

AWESOME
family has mad skills.  my brother decided to BUILD copies of this and this.  check it.
ps. these are the copies.  He measured, bought, stained, and affixed all the wood (and metal) to create the items below.

mad skills?  most definitely.

AWESOME
the beav is starting to learn how to dribble.  a ball, not saliva.  hubs bounces it while he tries to imitate him and dances around the room.  so cute.  Have I told you his first word was CATCH?  should I just get a minivan now and get it over with?

AWESOME

taking these pictures of my brother.  hot off the press.  and really, could he get any better looking?  He litterally ROLLED out of bed and threw on a shirt. ridiculous.


everyone should make an awesome and awkward, it really changes your day!  thanks for the idea syd.

I just laughed out loud.

I really did just laugh to myself at this man so glamorously walking down that catwalk in his booty shorts and turtleneck.  reality is he's either very hot up top right now, or very cold down south.

coming, of course, from someone who just went grocery shopping in 115 degree temps in a knitted headband and sweater.  Jeesh!

(if you're dying for more, I found it here)

and isn't it strange that even fashion tells us that we must constantly be evolving our wardrobe, that what we have is soooo last season (or month, whatev).  that what we have isn't good enough anymore?  this is why I don't believe in fashion faux pas.

more on that tomorrow.  because I know you're on the edge of your seats now.

but just for kicks, take another looksy at the fashionista man.  speedo's are coming back soon peeps, mark my words.  or maybe they're already back and I missed the memo?  highly likely.

something funny: hubs

a few minutes after hubs walked in the door tonight he stopped, looked at me, then down at his feet.  and then i died.

theodore huckstable would do something like this, don't you think?

my house is more like the cosby's every day.

something funny: no giveaway.....

?


right?  hehhh? hehhh?.......okay, so don't kill me.  I decided that I'm not going to give that clutch away.  YET.  the truth is I want to make it better.  I've compared it a zillion times to the amazing emersonmade, and I'm just not satisfied (go figure.).


so I'm making another one, new an improved.  but with this fabric this time.

and I promise I'll finish it soon.  so i can give it to you.


i was thinking today how much i miss being silly.  i used to wear ski goggles to class when it was snowing outside, have pajama party movie premieres where we waited in line all night long, dressed up in 80's garb and ransacked boys' apartments, pretended there was hot lava in our apartment (yes, this was college peeps) and played tag as we hopped from couch cushion to pillow to sweatshirt on the floor, wore sunglasses to school dances and surrounding the most awkward boy there to have a group awkward dance off.  what happened to those days?  i can still do that stuff even though i'm married and i'm a mom, right?  there isn't like a book somewhere that states that once you're a grown up you have to act like one is there?


good.  because i'm planning something.  and you're gonna love it.  because college me is making a comeback tour and its going to be wild.  what will it be?  sneaking onto an elephant's back at the zoo?  making my own "Friday" music video complete with school buses, a white rapper, and a convertible full of 14 year olds in braces? or will it be dressing up and waiting in line for the Harry Potter movie, annoying other line-goers by insisting they react when we cast spells on them ALL. NIGHT. LONG?


what do you think?  


can this make up for the false giveaway?  i'll make it worth it, promise. just please don't get me thrown into jail......

something funny: learning new things

two posts, one day.  I just couldn't leave this until tomorrow when it made me smile so.

something funny: walmart

Did you think I've been mourning the cougs loss for the last few days?  wrong.  I'm totally over Jimmer Fre---whatever his name is (because that's how fickle us bandwagon jumpers are) until he finds himself a spot on the Utah Jazz or Phoenix Suns.  Where I will continue to ignore him until they start winning at which time I will be jumping full force again.


on to better things. like walmart.


I'm 92% sure I saw AJ.  You know, from the B-street Boys?  except i don't remember him having flame tattoos up his left arm.  I think they were flames.  I did not prefer them, whatever they were.


I went to get some produce, grabbed a cantaloupe, and promptly put it back and briskly walked away from the produce as a woman with a hacking cough spewed all over my melon.  The fruit melon, not my head melon that is.


otherwise I think I would die.


I used the self checkout.  that is ALWAYS funny. {please place your item in the bagging area.....please place your item in the bagging area.....please stop placing the same item in the bagging area......please wait for attendant.}  you have to hand it to mr. walton, he made him some polite obnoxious machines.


the beav has taken to pelvic thrusting when he's confined.  so, while I have him in my moby, strapped across my middle, he's grunting and trying break free as people give me the eye.  I try to pretend I don't even notice.


HEY!  remember this?


perception: you could NEVER make that.


reality: you have a very talented friend.  and this is right up her alley, so she teaches you how.  and in turn, you teach the seven people who read your blog.


but we modified it.  here's a little teaser for you, since we still have some finishing touches to make tonight.  and then guess what folks?  tomorrow, I'm going to show you how we made it.


and then I'm going to give it to you. 


you have one in seven chances of winning (that's pretty dang good)

see you tomorrow!

something fun(ny): bandwagon jumping

teach me how to jimmer teach-me-teach-me how to jimmer!

oh heck YES-SIR-EE we sure did.

we jumped straight on the jimmer bandwagon and we're not even embarrassed about it.  I've always been a cougar, through and through.  my husband on the other hand, has a beef with BYU that he hasn't admitted to and quite frankly, it's unhealthy.  we're working through it.

but we both love us some jimmer.

and there you have it.  spice up your hubsy time with a little jimmer.

 

the beav's been learning how to jimmer all morning.  taking a quick snack break so he can get back to it.

jimmer miss a three?  fredette about it!

okay snack break over.  back to work.

if you haven't had the pleasure of making an acquaintance with mr. fredette (um, me, five seconds ago), click here.  oh yes, he has his own wikipedia page.  and click here for something extra special.  true or false: the guy with the goatee is forty years old.

for those of you that ONLY clicked on this post because you thought you'd find something funny and are finishing up disappointed, here's one for you.  maybe its in bad taste.  but man oh man did I laugh hard when it popped up in my inbox.  

ready??????

the only thing that can keep jimmer from scoring is the byu honor code.

HA!  get it?!  five bucks to the best jimmer joke!

something funny: kissing

I was driving to my parents house this weekend and on the way I passed by my old elementary school.   I miss the innocence of elementary school.  As I passed, I thought I saw my best friend and myself sitting on the curb by the bike locks talking about kissing.  It was shortly after our freshman year began, and she took me there to tell me she had had her first REAL kiss.  in the field just behind the school.

I tried not to be jealous.  I asked her if it was sooooo weird.

and she told me it was.  but that she was totally a natural,  all you did was wiggle your tongue around.  

I practiced, mouth closed, wiggling my tongue around every day for the next two years.  I was a natural too.

and then she asked when I thought my first REAL kiss would be.  that might have been right after she told me my eyes were close together.

and then we vanished as I passed that bike lock area in my car and drove down the street toward my house.  as I drove, I thought I saw myself and her, walking side by side with keychains weighing down our backpack zippers and clinking together with each step on our way home from school.  our favorite car was a geo tracker.  for our sixteenth birthday we were going to get matching ones, hers would be hot pink, mine hot purple.  and they would have a big flower painted on the back in the alternate color.  

I didn't get my first kiss until the summer going into my junior year because I never got my purple geo tracker.  thanks mom and dad, for ruining my life.

but that friendship is for another day, another post titled: Something Sad: losing a best friend to drugs.  


I hate drugs.  

as awkward as first kisses are, I fear I’m more awkward (and much less a natural) at greeting kisses.  ever since the first awkward time it happened, I wanted to be a greeting kisser.  but its just so foreign to me that usually they end up kissing my ear (which makes for different awkwardness) because I move in too quickly and my chin has arrived at their shoulder before they’ve had a chance to get to my cheek, or we bump because they see they have to move quicker as I realize what they’re doing and I move back quickly to try to act like I didn’t forget, or best case scenario, I end up just making the “muah!” sound as I press my cheek to theirs.  there’s the trick, my friends.  no matter what you do, just make the muah sound.  they totally think you kissed them and all awkwardness is averted.  I’ll tell you I forgot this little trick while meeting Cole’s clients last week.  maybe he kissed my ear after I offered only a formal handshake, and maybe she made the muah sound because I moved too fast.

so there you have it, your lesson for today.  for those of you who have yet to have your first kiss, just wiggle your tongue wildly back and forth all day for the next few hours, days, years (however long it takes).  and for those of you who are used to a handshake, remember to muah when they kiss your ear.